Stand Up Comedy Karaoke

To me the only thing tougher than the supermarket is the drugstore. The drugstore's really challenging because you have no idea what they're talking about. You're just looking at the ingredients... I had a cold a couple of weeks ago. So I go in there and I'm looking... The entire wall … Read more about Seinfeld Routine 9: Going to the Drugstore

I like hotels. I enjoy tiny soap. I pretend that it's normal soap and my muscles are huge. And you can always tell when you're in a fine quality luxury hotel when the TV is bolted to a solid steel beam and welded into the wall. Is this a big problem in the hotel business? People … Read more about Seinfeld Routine 26: Hotel Bathrooms

I consider myself something of a sportsman. I like sporty type things. Scooba-diving. Did that in Australia... that was a lotta fun. A great activity where your main goal is to... not die. It's really all I was thinking about the entire day. "Don't die, don't die, don't … Read more about Seinfeld Routine 18: Don’t Die

Food is so complicated as an adult... You see people in the supermarket. They're just sweating out. Nobody knows... "what do I eat... the proteins, the carbs, the fat content..." "Oh, my God, the fat content!" We're just walking up to each other: "You look good. What do you eat? Maybe … Read more about Seinfeld Routine 7: Supermarkets & Milk

So I had my little costume, I was physically ready, I was preparing myself, I did not try on the costume prior to Halloween. Do you remember... This is an obscure one but... On the side of the box, I remember from my Superman costume, it actually said: "Do not attempt to fly!" They … Read more about Seinfeld Routine 6: Door to Door in a Superman Costume

So the first time you hear the concept of Halloween when you're a kid your brain can't even process the information. You're like: "What is this? What did you say?" "What did you say about giving out candy? Who's giving out candy?" "Everyone that we know is just giving out candy?" "Are … Read more about Seinfeld Routine 5: Halloween Candy

So, I'm supposed to go to Florida next week after we're done here. That's where my older relatives live. I don't really wanna go. Florida... A lot of old people down there. You know, they live in those minimum security prisons. That's where they put all the old people. What's with … Read more about Seinfeld Routine 4: Old Folk in Florida

Then you get on the plane. The pilot of course always has to come on the PA system. This guy is so excited about being a pilot, he can't even stand himself.   "Well, I'm gonna take it up to about 20,000." "Then I'm gonna make a left by Pittsburg." "Then I'm gonna make a right by … Read more about Seinfeld Routine 3: Planes, Pilots, and Peanuts.