Food is so complicated as an adult…
You see people in the supermarket. They’re just sweating out.
Nobody knows… “what do I eat… the proteins, the carbs, the fat content…”
“Oh, my God, the fat content!”
We’re just walking up to each other: “You look good. What do you eat? Maybe I’ll eat that.”
The whole supermarket itself is designed to break down your sense of having any life
It’s like a casino. There’s no clocks, no windows, no easily accessible exits…
Did you ever not buy anything in a supermarket and try to get out of there?
It’s impossible.
There’s no way out.
You can see what happens to people.
When they walk up to the supermarket, they really have a whole sense of purpose.
“I’m gonna get this, I’m gonna get that, I’m gonna pay for it,
I’m gonna get out of here and get back to my normal life.”
You see that same person 10 minutes later just…
“What aisle is this?”
“Why did I come up here?”
Always noticing something new.
“Oh, they got them in muskeet flavor now…”
“What is ‘muskeet’?”
“I wonder if it’s made from mosquitoes.”
Produce section I always find challenging.
There’s always some special thing you’re supposed to know.
You know, about each fruit…
“Summer time make sure your peaches are…”
I don’t know, whatever it is.
You gotta fake it… you know, I’m shaking stuff holding it up to the light.
“Yeah, that’s a good one. I’m sure glad I found that one.”
Cantalopes rolling down the aisle.
“See the way that’s fading left, that one’s not ready.”
“I don’t want that one.”
I’m very impressed with this seedless watermelon product that they have for us.
They’ve done it. We now have seedless watermelon.
Pretty amazing.
What are they planting to grow the seedless watermelon, I wonder?
The melons aren’t humping’, are they? They must be planting something.
How does this work?
And what kind of scientists do this type of work?
I read this thing was 15 years in development.
In the laboratories with gene splicing or, you know, whatever they do there…
I mean, other scientists are working on AIDS, cancer, heart disease.
These guys are going: “No, I’m going to devote myself to melon.”
“I think that’s much more important.”
“Sure thousands are dying needlessly but this… that’s gotta stop.”
“Have you ever tried to pick a wet one off the floor, it’s almost impossible.”
“I really think we should devote the money to these studies.”
Milk is a big problem for people in the supermarket.
They’re never quite sure if they have it, if they need it.
They bury it way in the back in the supermarket.
You gotta find it, you gotta hack your way through all the displays.
“Yeah, there it is. There’s the milk.”
“Do we have any milk?”
People are never really sure if they have milk.
You think you have milk, you might have.
“I know there’s a carton in there, I don’t know how much is in it.”
“Well, what shall we do?”
‘Cause you wanna be sure.
There’s nothing worse than thinking you have milk and not having it.
You know, you got the bowl setup, the cereal, the spoon,
the napkin, the TV, the newspaper, everything’s ready to go.
You lift up the carton and it’s too light.
“Oh, no!”
“Too light!”
Sometimes you think you need milk: “Hey we’d better pick up some milk.”
Like many of you are thinking right now.
“You know, he’s right. Maybe we should pick up some milk.”
So you pick up some milk on your way home.
And then you discover you already have milk.
And now you got way too much milk.
That’s no good either. Now it’s a race against the clock with the expiration date.
That freaky thing.
Now your eating punchbowls of cereal, three meals a day.
You’re washing your face with milk.
Bringing cats in from all over the neighborhood.
“Hurry up and drink it! Come on, it’s almost time!”
“Get back over here…”
How do they know that that is the definite exact day?
You know, they don’t say like it’s in the vicinity, give or take, roughly…
They brand it right into the side of the carton.
“That’s your goddamn day right there.”
“Oh, don’t screw with us.”
“We know what day is the final day.”
“And then it is so over.”
Have you ever had milk the day after the date?
Scares the hell out of you, doesn’t it?
The spoon is trembling as it comes out of the bowl.
“It’s after the day! I’m taking a big chance!”
“I smelled it, you smelled it, what is it supposed to smell like?”
“It smelled like milk to me.”
I don’t know how they’re so definite, though.
Maybe the cows tip them off when they’re milking them.
“July 3rd”