I love to travel. I love it whether it’s a car or whether it’s a plane.
I like to get out there, I like to keep it moving.
I love airports. Feel safe in the airports thanks to the high caliber individuals
we have working at X-ray security.
How ’bout this crack squad of savvy motivated personnel?
The way you wanna setup your airport’s security, is you want the short,
heavy set women at the front with the skin tight uniform.
That’s your first line of defense.
You want those pants so tight the flap in front of the zipper
has pulled itself open, you can see the metal tangs hanging on for dear life.
Then you put the bag on the conveyor belt. It goes through the little luggage car wash.
Then you have the other genius, down at the other end, looking at the little X-ray TV screen.
This Eistein was chosen to stand in front of X-rays 14 hours a day.
It’s his profession.
Looking in that thing…
I have looked in that TV screen. I cannot make out one object.
He’s standing there… “What is that? A hairdryer with a scope on it?”
“That looks ok. Keep it moving.”
“Some sort of bowling ball candle? Yeah, I got no problem with that, just…”
“You know, we don’t wanna hold up the line.”
So, I go to the bathroom in the airport.
What is the story on the sinks in airport bathrooms
That they will not give us a twist-it-on twist-it-off, human-style faucet?
Is that too risky for the general population?
Too dangerous? We gotta install the one-handed, spring-loaded,
pain-in-the-ass Alcatraz-style faucet.
You know, those ones you gotta go: “Hey I got a little water there”
“Hey I got a couple of drops.”
What is it they think we would do with a faucet?
Turn them all on full, run out into the parking lot,
laughing, pushing each other into the bushes?
“Come on, the water’s on, let’s go!”
“I turned it on full blast.”
“You idiot! We’re businessmen, we’re gonna miss our plane.”
“Who cares! Water!”
That’s how they think we’re gonna act.